Truthful Tuesday

Good Morning Ladies (and gentlemen who may be reading). 

Truthful Tuesday

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Hypothalamic Amenorhoea on October 12, 2012. Since then, I have received numerous e-mails; some positive and others negative.

Well, today I’ve decided to share some of the questions & my answers with all of you. I also think it’s important that I give you an update on where I’m at, and how I’m feeling both mentally and physically.

Question #1: How did you not realize you weren’t eating enough calories for the amount of physical activity you were partaking in? When I first read this question, I was offended. I took it as an insult, I felt as if I were being called dumb and irresponsible. It wasn’t until I took a deep breath, and just let the question truly sink in. The person meant no harm, it was simply a question out of curiosity.

…and you know, I could lie to you & tell you my body showed signs, but that wasn’t the case; with the exception of weight loss. I felt great. I wasn’t tired, or fatigued… I was happy. Up until May when Joshua & I decided that we were ready to become parents, I was on birth control, getting my period every month. When I stopped taking it, my period stopped. I had the common thoughts anyone would “… it’s just my body getting back to normal again”. Well, months went by and things didn’t change. That key factor was the reasoning in why I decided to see an OBGYN.

be happy

Question #2: You were running 50+ miles a week, and had to give that all up. How did you handle it? Tears, Tears and Tears. For the past few years, my life has revolved around running & training for races. It was my “me” time. The time of the day where I could clear my mind, and gather my thoughts. I looked forward to my 6 AM runs. I looked forward to the runners high after a new PR.

When I found out that running was no longer an option, I felt as if my life was crashing down upon me. Sounds crazy right?… but, that’s how I felt. Thankfully the words I received from Joshua, Family/Friends, and YOU made me look at the situation differently. Joshua continuously reassured me that things happen for a reason. He was straight forward as well. Told me, I have two options: 1. Keep running, and give up my dream of a family for the time being, or 2. Work for that dream.

…so here I am today, reminding myself that races won’t end, they’ll be another one tomorrow, next week, next month,and years to come. I’m reaching and doing whatever I can to achieve that dream of not only mine, but Joshua’s.

images

…well, I didn’t realize this would be so long already. I’m going to end it here for the day, but will continue part 2 on Thursday (since tomorrow is What I Ate Wednesday). 

For everyone who took the time to read this post today, thank you.

  • What was a hard obstacle you had to overcome in your life?
  • How did you handle the situation? 

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51 thoughts on “Truthful Tuesday

  1. Oh my gosh Jessie I’m really proud of you for opening up about all of this. I’m really looking forward to reading the next installment of this post on Thursday. I think you’ve probably learned a lot about yourself and your body and that is so important. You’re doing what you need to do for you. You could have taken the easy route and decided not to give up running but you would ultimately be doing more damage to your body. I don’t think anybody would genuinely think you were being “dumb” for not realizing it; they are probably concerned. The important part is you’re taking measures NOW to fix it. You know I’m always here ❤

  2. Jessie, I am asking you as someone who has been at that low weight who has been in that place where I was destroying my body to PLEASE realize you did not feel oh my goodness great or not fatigued. I know it was just what the disorder was making you feel, it was almost like a high from the restriction. I pray to goodness that girls struggling who read this do not get the impression that at a scary low weight you are truly feeling wonderful. It hurt me to read that, it really did.

      • All I can say is I told myself I was fine, i had that so called energy. But I didn’t. It was a mask, one that was so entrenched I began to believe myself. Glorifying a place that is not healthy is never helpful. I am glad you are being honest about it, i am glad you are working on yourself and trying to get your period back naturally to start a family. Major credit. But know we are not fully ourselves at that place, and everything can be a big delusion

      • I’m sorry alex, YOU may of felt a certain way, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to feel that way. I feel as if I caught the problem soon enough, that it never got out of hand. I never had those type of feelings, and I’m being honest.

    • I’m going to chime in here- only because it is possible to feel “fine” at a super low weight. When I was at my worst right before being hospitalized I felt great, tons of energy. Sometimes you can feel great when your health is failing.

  3. You are beautiful and kind and loving, but above all else you are STRONG. You should be proud of yourself every single day for working so hard to achieve your ultimate goal of having a family. That baby will one day know how hard his/her mom worked to bring him/her into the world, and it will be that much sweeter to finally see that precious baby’s face.

    I’m always here to talk, girl. Big hugs! Xoxoxoxo.

  4. Your honesty is beautiful. Recovery is a great thing. I agree with Kate….tons of respect for you right now. That’s some deep stuff to say, so good for you! Thank you for sharing your story<3

  5. I can see why you thought the first question would be a bit offensive, I took it that way too. It was nice that you were able to take a deep breath and see that hopefully the person that asked meant no harm. I admire your strength and your determination for a family, giving up running HAS to be hard!! Like you said though, there will always be another time for that!

  6. Jessie … I know that you don’t like hearing what I have to say, but I cannot let these words go unsaid. While this is courage and honesty to an extent, you need to be more honest and more courageous. I know that place you were in, where you think that you’re feeling fine, where you think that your body is okay. All the labs might come out alright, but something is not right. You know what that is. You know it. You are struggling with things that are far beyond your grasp. And to say that you were feeling okay while running 50mi weeks and not eating enough for your body is not alright for impressionable others to be reading. You are glorifying the fact that you were treating your body in a highly disordered way and that is not alright. Gaining one or two pounds when you are significantly underweight will not restore your period, no matter how little exercise you are doing or what hormones you may or may not be taking. Your organs need that insulation and protection, and without giving them that, you are depriving them of what they need.
    I really, really hope that your post on Thursday shows the improvements that you’ve made and the help that you are seeking. Because you do need to seek professional guidance. There is something holding you back, and it is not hormonal instability, it is a fear of weight gain. I know you want children, and I truly hope that you do get your wish, but wishing for a miracle is made easier when you’re helping it along in every single way that you can.

  7. So proud of you for this, darlin. I know it wasn’t easy to write and share this, but you did it and are doing what you need to do right now for you! You’ll get where you need to be love….i know it 🙂 and i’m here for you every step of the way ❤

  8. that’s such a hard thing to go through. I had to go through the same thing, but thankfully I wasn;t trying to have kids at the time! It’s tough no matter what though! Stay strong 🙂 Cant wait for part two of this post.

  9. This is a great post Jessie. I don’t understand how some people can be so negative and have hurtful words when you are trying to better yourself. I’m so proud of you for sharing with us. I can understand the running and having to just stop it. I hope eventually you can get back to doing what you love.

  10. Jessie Love, I think you are doing great. I am in touch with you parallel to your blog, personally and I know how hard you work. Keep up the great work. I believe in you and I know you will fulfill your dream of a family, because you are strong and focused. Also you have an amazing husband who is with you on this journey (and a blonde sister over here :-))
    Thank you for being so open with us!!
    Love you!!

  11. Hi Jessie, thanks so much for sharing your experiences and I appreciate your honesty about what you went through. It is slightly different to me – I thought I felt ok when I was over-exercising but since toning it down I’ve realised how untrue that was. I feel so much more energised now, so much more emotionally stable and simply stronger. I’m so sorry you went through this too, I know how hard it is and frustrating. It is also not an easy thing to explain but I think you have done a great job Jessie. This will all be worth it when you realise your and Joshua’s dream of having a baby, something you truly deserve 🙂

  12. To my beautiful daughter…..your father and I couldn’t be more proud of you! You have made such great strides and continue to do so. You are such an inspiration to not only me but so many others. I love our daily talks (even at 2:00 a.m. our time) and learning so many new recipes and delicious foods! Your positive energy is felt across the oceans! Keep up the good work, enjoy life as you always do, give your wonderful husband a hug and keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours! Can’t wait to see you walk off that plane in 27 days! I feel sorry for anyone in my way! Love you sweetie!

  13. Jessie, keep up the honesty and positive perspective. You WILL get through all this. When I went through a very difficult time period, I learned to trust in the healing process and accepted the support of my husband and parents. Their help was (and always will be) priceless. 🙂

  14. Thank you for posting this. So many females around our age (running) who are on birth control don’t realize that they if they go off there is a high chance that they will lose their period. (Part of the reason I went off a while ago to make sure I was still getting it). Thank you for being so honest and open my friend. 🙂

  15. You’re doing so great Jessie!! I can’t imagine having to give up running (or more like lifting for me), but it will be totally worth it when you get your health back 100%. You’ll be able to get that runner’s high soon enough! 🙂

  16. I’m so proud of you for opening up and sharing your struggles! I know it’s not easy. I have so much respect for and how hard you are working to make your health a first priority! I have no doubt you will be back to running soon!

  17. This must be really difficult to share, Jessie. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I think it is great that you are sharing your story and updates so that others who may be going through the same thing see that they are not alone in their struggle. It sounds like you have found clarity and I hope that everything works out. Looking forward to part 2.

  18. I think there are probably a lot of things that people assume we should know about ourselves, but if there are no symptoms, why would you? So I totally get that you didn’t know at first. Likewise, I know cutting out running is really hard, but you’re right, you are working on a bigger dream 🙂

  19. Jessie you are so open and honest, and I applaud you for it. Seriously, you are amazing. I can’t imagine any of this is easy to share, but your open vulnerability is kind of why you rock.

    With regard to that first question, it may have been a legitimate question, but the way it was phrased was offensive and pretty hurtful. Good for you for seeing past that.

    I’m also incredible proud of how far you’ve come since you admitted this last fall. You’ve taken many steps to increase your daily food consumption and decrease your calorie burn. You are doing something about it, and I can see it through your posts and your WIAW’s. Change isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Give yourself a pat on the back because you deserve it.

  20. Thanks for sharing with us Jessie. It’s hard to be so open and honest – to put it all out there! I admire that. I have a question for you – who did you talk to to figure out how many calories you should be eating each day? I’m fearful that I’ve been working out far too much for the amount of calories I need (but I’ll admit, I am worried that I’ll gain weight if I eat more than my required amount – before considering workouts.) What wisdom was given to you in regards to adding calories to make up for the amount burned? Does that make sense? I’m thinking I should see a nutritionist to figure out my necessary daily amount because I feel like all of the websites I’ve checked give me different amounts…

  21. Oh, my little precious, Jessie. I’m so sorry you had/have to go through this. It hurts. I know it so well. I still get emails mocking me about looking too sick and daring to speak about recovery from an ed. About me lying about what I eat… And I was making my blog private maybe ten 10 because of this. But this means hiding, which is not why I’m here.
    I congratulate you on handling this so well and opening up about all of this. This means so much to me. Now I know that I’m not alone 😉

  22. Thank you for sharing your story and struggles so that other people can benefit. That is a truly selfless action that can help so many others 🙂 I hope you continue to get healthy!

  23. wow thanks so much for sharing girl!! I think its great to share things like this with the blog world. I never cease to be amazed at all the wonderful support I receive after writing a tough post. Us bloggers gotta stick together 🙂

  24. Pingback: What I Ate Wednesday |

  25. Thank you for sharing this Jessie! You are such a strong person for being so open and honest with all of us! I am so happy you are working on bringing your dream of a family to reality! You have been so patient and focused during these months and I know you will reach your dream!! xxoo

  26. Honestly, you are such a strong person – I really admire you! I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you. I actually feel a bit unfair for posting so much about my running on my blog when you had to give up your loved hobby. But it reminds me how important it is to treat out bodies with respect and fuel it well – not that I’m saying you didn’t, as we all know different bodies respond to different things. Sorry this sounds like a horrible comment, but it truly comes from a good place and I hope you get your dream soon 🙂

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  28. Jessie, you should be so proud of yourself for opening up about this and sharing with us all. I, for one, really appreciate it…If you wouldn’t mind (and it would be totally fine if you did), I’d love to email you sometime about this, I have some questions and I feel like they may be things you experienced through this struggle you’re overcoming…

  29. Thank you for sharing this! And the thing regarding nutrition… nutrition is a VERY complicated topic and it’s so easy to think you are doing it all “right” because you feel fine but there are so many factors that go into eating the right amount of calories.

  30. Wow, Jessie, thank you so much for sharing this with us and for giving us an update on how you’re doing. :D. You are so brave and powerful to be following your dream of a building a family with Joshua. I went through something similar except that I was never on birth control and I was anorexic. But now I’m a mom and I’m at a healthy weight. :D.

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