Freedom From Perfection #1

Today’s the day. A day that many people should be involved in. What is it you ask? It’s the official start day of Freedom From Perfection hosted by the beautiful Sloane over at Strength In Freedom.

If you aren’t familiar with this campaign, please head over to Sloane’s page & take a look at what it’s about. I can tell you that it’s a day where you can reveal any flaws you may be carrying about yourself or life in general. It’s a day where you don’t have to worry about being judged.

I didn’t have to think too hard on what exactly to write for today’s post. However, I did have to ask myself “Is this something I want to share with everyone? What will people think of me?”.

As many of you know I was diagnosed with Hypothhalamic Amenorrhoea about 3 1/2 weeks ago. It wasn’t easy to hear, especially the part that I’d have to cut my running mileage from 50+ a week to a whopping zero AND increase my calorie intake all at the same time.

Was it easy at first? Honestly, the running part was. I’ve adapted to my daily 20 minute walks and I’m absolutely loving them. I’m still able to get my “me” time throughout the day. Do I work a sweat? Most of the time no, but you know what… that’s perfectly okay with me. I’m giving my body a break, a much-needed break.

Then we have the calorie intake part. Let’s just say, I’m trying. But by no means is it easy. I haven’t put on weight since my first initial weigh in the week following my diagnosis. Because of this I feel hopeless. I feel like I should be seeing changes and the fact that I haven’t.. it crushes me. I want so badly to be at a healthy weight where I can indeed start producing. Where I can give not only myself but my husband our dream of a family. Yes he may tell me that “When it happens it happens babe. It’s in God’s hands” but that’s not good enough for me.

I want it to happen now. These are the moments in life where I wish I could simply ask my body what it needs, or what it wants. Unfortunately though I’m left wondering day after day with no answers.

A wonderful person I’ve met on here has offered me her meal plan that she has just been put on in order to gain weight. To have such a wonderful support system, has truly been such a blessing to my life.

With all that being said I’ve made a November goal for myself. I need to continue to break through any fear I may have of overeating too many carbohydrates and just let it happen. Let my body intake what it wants, and what it needs. I’m completely aware this journey will continue to be hard at times, but you know what… I’ve overcome so much already, there’s no reason why this road block can’t be achieved as well? 🙂

So if you are still with me, I want to say Thank You! Thank you for believing me, and giving me such confidence and inspiration. xoxo

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120 thoughts on “Freedom From Perfection #1

  1. You’ll get there, darlin’. You’re a strong, amazing and beautiful (inside and out) woman. I know it’s hard when you really want something, but I think it’s good that you’ve noticed you maybe need to be a little more relax.

    A change in diet can be hard, whether that is reducing or increasing calories. There are easy ways you can increase calories without increasing your portion sizes too much. Have a glass of milk with your mid morning/afternoon snacks. Have a bigger breakfast. Have bigger snacks. You don’t have to do it all in one go, you can do it in bits and work up to it.

  2. Awww you are so sweet, and you will get there. I can 100% picture you as the sweetest, most interactive and wonderful mother, so it will definitely happen. Keep plugging along with the food, and if it helps, I did a post on Carbs (the good and the bad), and it might help you mentally digest the thought of eating more of them. Either way, good luck, and I’ll be rooting for you.
    http://cleaneatsfastfeets.com/?p=1442

  3. I hope you can continue on your way to overcoming your fears.
    My periods had been getting lighter and lighter, and my doctor didn’t think it was a problem; she said it was just the pill. I went off it, and almost a year later, they’re a tiny bit better, but not by much. So I keep pressing for answers. It probably has to do with my Hashimoto’s, but I want to do whatever I can now in case I ever want children.
    It’s hard to change what you’ve become accustomed to, but it is better for your health, and it’s good that you were diagnosed, and you have some answers.
    Stay strong!

  4. I know it’s tough, Jessie, but a lot of internal repair typically needs to occur first- that’s what your body is using all the extra energy for. Once that has happened, then you will begin to store some of it and gain. You just need to be patient. It took me many months to see changes, but that’s ok. I’m now at a good weight, and you will be too. Even if it takes one year- in the grand scheme of life, that’s trivial. You’re still young and so much to look forward to. Just give your body time to recover and keep on loving it with lots of yummy food and hugs! 🙂 ❤

  5. Oh Jessie~I can’t believe I’m gloating over pregnancy stuff and you’re struggling with that yourself! But you know what? This is a lesson that we all need to be thankful of what we’re learning at the time and for the beautiful things that are to come, as long as we stay humble. I believe wholeheartedly that God will grant the desires of your heart, and that someday you’ll look at these times and be thankful for the new found victory. Thank you for sharing Jessie, so proud of you!

    ps: remember that some carbs are soooooooo good for you! Carbs like potatoes are so good for our bodies, so load up on those too! 😀

  6. You can do it Jessie! Although I was never officially diagnosed with anything, I used to be overly analytical about what I ate…if it wasn’t “clean” enough, I wouldn’t eat it. I was in a horrible place mentally, but eventually, I learned that healthy eating is all about balance. It’s definitely not easy to change our mindsets, but I’m confident that you will overcome this with time! You have a wonderful community of bloggers (in addition to your hubby and family) to support you!

  7. You can do it! I know you have the strength and the support 🙂

    And I have taken up walking lately too. I resisted it at first (it seems to me like something an older person does) but I love it. It’s my *me* time to get reconnected with the neighborhood, the weather, the trees, etc.

  8. Thanks for being so open about it. It sounds like you’re making the right steps towards increasing calories and decreasing exercises and i’m sure over time it will get easier! Hang in there girl- you have a great community of support (real and online too).

    Rooting for you! 🙂

  9. Big thanks to you for opening up about something that isn’t the least bit easy to discuss! Someday, somehow, you’re going to be a wonderful mom – and your babies will be lucky to have you.

  10. One step at a time girl! From what it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job so far of making the healthy changes your body needs…so just keep keeping on and remind yourself of your ultimate goal as often as you need to. I KNOW you’re going to make it through this even stronger than you are now!

  11. This whole situation is so difficult. I know how hard it is when someone tells you to eat more and put on weight. I’ve struggled with being at a healthy weight and figuring out what is healthy and thin and what is unhealthy and skinny…Now I just eat when I’m hungry. If I am hungry I listen to my body and I eat until I’m full…easier said than done though…

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