Today’s the day. A day that many people should be involved in. What is it you ask? It’s the official start day of Freedom From Perfection hosted by the beautiful Sloane over at Strength In Freedom.
If you aren’t familiar with this campaign, please head over to Sloane’s page & take a look at what it’s about. I can tell you that it’s a day where you can reveal any flaws you may be carrying about yourself or life in general. It’s a day where you don’t have to worry about being judged.
As many of you know I was diagnosed with Hypothhalamic Amenorrhoea about 3 1/2 weeks ago. It wasn’t easy to hear, especially the part that I’d have to cut my running mileage from 50+ a week to a whopping zero AND increase my calorie intake all at the same time.
Was it easy at first? Honestly, the running part was. I’ve adapted to my daily 20 minute walks and I’m absolutely loving them. I’m still able to get my “me” time throughout the day. Do I work a sweat? Most of the time no, but you know what… that’s perfectly okay with me. I’m giving my body a break, a much-needed break.
Then we have the calorie intake part. Let’s just say, I’m trying. But by no means is it easy. I haven’t put on weight since my first initial weigh in the week following my diagnosis. Because of this I feel hopeless. I feel like I should be seeing changes and the fact that I haven’t.. it crushes me. I want so badly to be at a healthy weight where I can indeed start producing. Where I can give not only myself but my husband our dream of a family. Yes he may tell me that “When it happens it happens babe. It’s in God’s hands” but that’s not good enough for me.
I want it to happen now. These are the moments in life where I wish I could simply ask my body what it needs, or what it wants. Unfortunately though I’m left wondering day after day with no answers.
A wonderful person I’ve met on here has offered me her meal plan that she has just been put on in order to gain weight. To have such a wonderful support system, has truly been such a blessing to my life.
With all that being said I’ve made a November goal for myself. I need to continue to break through any fear I may have of overeating too many carbohydrates and just let it happen. Let my body intake what it wants, and what it needs. I’m completely aware this journey will continue to be hard at times, but you know what… I’ve overcome so much already, there’s no reason why this road block can’t be achieved as well? :)
So if you are still with me, I want to say Thank You! Thank you for believing me, and giving me such confidence and inspiration. xoxo